Wednesday, August 13, 2008

It's Not Up To Me

What a freeing concept it was that the world was not resting on my shoulders anymore. I no longer was responsible for anything but my actions. If things go wrong then it's not meant to be, and to move on instead of wallowing in what might have been.

Lately I've been struggling in every area all at the same time, and have really taken this whole idea to heart, doing what I can and seeing where things fall. Me and my husband did not speak for over a week and now seem to be okay again. My debts are sky-high and was recently dragged back into court once again. On top of everything, the job thing seems to be not working out too well. But my mindfulness training teaches me to view things as neutral instead of positive or negative.

On a whim, I applied for a job overseas. It's not up to me, it's way over my head, and I probably won't get it anyway.

Next thing I know, an email arrives asking for an interview that afternoon. I agreed, and answered the phone hesitantly when Washington was calling. After fumbling my way through the interview, not really sure about working in a warzone for a year and living on a military base, there was no hope of working there.

The following Monday, I received an email asking for me to think over the position and take my time answering. I accepted. If the company gets the contract, in one month I will be getting ready for the trip of a lifetime.

When I hated life this never would have happened. It just goes to show what does happen when you get up every day and put one foot in front of the other, doing the best you can.