Monday, January 28, 2008

Doing What We Cannot Do

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do.
-Eleanor Roosevelt

Tonight was the first time I've read this quote in its entirety. Doing what I thought I cannot do has become my mantra over the past couple of years.

It's funny how I can go out into the world, help at least 50 people through traumas I've never experienced on a daily basis, get to work and leave on time without going more than 45 seconds over my scheduled breaks and lunch hour and seemingly spin the great big world on my itty bitty finger but the things that terrify me I say I cannot do.

Tonight I got into an arguement with my husband. It was a little misunderstanding, really, but all things I cannot do (like talk about my feelings) built up and now I sit here hitting myself with the stupid stick because I still haven't talked about what was on my mind.

After the arguement, we both cooled down a bit pretty quickly. But I must do the thing I think I cannot do it. Because with the help of my Higher Spirit, all things are possible.

Even though my mind is stewing over a number of things that are bothering me, the truth is, things aren't really that bad. But I have some work to do. And yes, even the big invincible woman I am gets afraid sometimes. Especially when my ego is involved. Especially when it involves those I love the most.

But my mindfulness already knows what to do. It has been telling me since that uncomfortable car ride home that I must walk through the fear and pray for the right words to come out of my mouth.

So pray for me tonight, send a good swift kick in the rear my way to pick up the shattered pieces of my fragile little ego and go apologize. We all need a little help sometimes.

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